drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Randomize
