Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
