youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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