k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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