does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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