She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my shit smells like andre
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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