i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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