So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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