Dude my mom stole all your condoms
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
