Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
