and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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