Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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