i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
