I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
