You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
