I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
