What did we do last night that was yellow?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
