Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i think i have two assholes
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
