hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
