omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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