Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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