nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
