I wish I could teleport
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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