apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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