Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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