DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
