Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
