So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
