I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
