remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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