Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
