also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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