my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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