you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We need to feng shui this bitch.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
