i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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