wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
