he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
