peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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