Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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