all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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