Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize