Tell her she can't have a vagina
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize