dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I believe in your delicious
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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