take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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