we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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