So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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