Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
