I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
