I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
