I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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