high people should be assigned attendants
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
