I wish my penis had an off switch
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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