Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
