btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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