I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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