ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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