your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
