i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
