I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
