What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
No subtext here. People are naked.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
