Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
