Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
