That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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