so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My penis needs a shock collar
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
