I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
