I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
