Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
