so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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