my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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