I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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